Separation and Divorce

Sunday, September 26, 2010







Separation and Divorce



Separation and Divorce

Wemoderns think we are so smart, yes, smarter than God! God told us
marriage is for life, but some of us endure only thirty-day wonder
marriages. Come together in lust and depart in boredom. We married to
get a nut, that's all. We hardly knew each other, but in the moment of
passion convinced each other we were in love, while we were simply in
ignorance, so the marriage soon fell apart as it should have.

Butwe think the elders had it right, we in this to the end, for better or
worse, sickness and health. Ain't nobody going nowhere. When problems
arise, we'll process them until we get to the final product, a
successful marriage. The money problems, the sexual problems, we'll work
out, for surely after difficulty comes ease. The bad times don't last
forever and we never believed life was a bowl of cherries. Mama never
told us this. Mama told us to hang in there. Stay together, don't have
such thin skin, even though mama and daddy may have had problems
themselves.

Today we run at the slightest hint of trouble. Weseparate and then divorce, mainly thinking of ourselves, not the
children, but ourselves. In total selfishness we throw in the towel and
run into the arms of another, yes, another stranger, who is actually the
same person we just departed from, only they have a different name.

Andwe repeat the same ritual after a short time because we learned nothing
from the first marriage. Maybe there was physical, emotional and verbal
abuse from the first marriage, yet somehow we see the same situation
developing in our second marriage. There may have been drugs involved in
the first, yet we hook up with another dope fiend, so obviously we
learned nothing from the first mate. And it goes on and on.

Ormaybe we think our first mate wasn't intelligent enough, but why didn't
we take time to educate the mate, since we're so smart. No matter the
problems between Amina and Amiri Baraka, she will tell any and everyone
her husband educated her and she loves him for this, if nothing else.

Lifetakes long patience, sometimes long suffering. No cross no crown, the
Christians say. But again, we moderns think we so damn smart, yet we
can't figure out our asses from a hole in the ground!

If 50% ofmarriages end in divorce, there must be something people are doing
wrong. A friend of mine says most of us have never done anything right
in our life, yes, everything we've done was wrong! He might be a bit
excessive, but the truth is that we come into relationships with
unresolved grief and trauma that it is only complicated because more
than likely we connect with a mate who is also suffering unresolved
grief and trauma, so it is not surprising things don't go right and at
the slightest problem we run out the door. Again, only thinking of
ourselves. I certainly was guilty of this. My parents were my model and
they separated and eventually divorced, so that's all I knew. Staying
together meant nothing to me, it was not part of my language.

Butlooking back, I could have and/or should have stayed with any one of
the women I connected with because every one of them was angelic as I
say in the poem When I look at the Women in my Life. They were all
beautiful, righteous women. Yes, they had issues, but don't we all? I
certainly had mine and maybe we could have worked things out together,
even though it would have been a long process, but what the hell is life
but a long process until we get the product, until we get it right, and
sometimes that doesn't happen until near the end. Well, he finally got
it right, they will say. Of course everyone isn't meant to be married,
understand this, as my mother told me.

But common people usingcommon sense should be able to hang, and many do, in spite of
everything. We are not suggesting people should suffer in eternal hell
as some do in these marriages that should have been aborted from the
beginning. Why should people suffer for thirty years in a rotten
marriage where people are simply not meant to be together? Yet in most
cases people are not so complex they can't get along. Most people are
common and with a little effort they can make it. Please try, for
yourselves and most especially your children. For just as I did, the
children will repeat what they have seen, leading to a society of people
suffering issues of abandonment, abuse and neglect.

Finally, wehave suggested that our problems arise from the mythological foundation
of Western civilization that is bound to cause suffering with its
notions of domination and ownership. Hence we must at least realize
radical thinking is necessary to make our relationships work, radical
thinking and radical action. Issues of domination and ownership must be
discarded in order that holistic relations can grow and flourish, and we
can truly arrive at a state of joy, happiness and bliss.

--Marvin X
10/25/10

from Mythology of Pussy and Dick, toward Healthy Psychosocial Sexuality, Marvin X, Black Bird Press, Berkeley, 400 pages, 2010.

Order from:

Black Bird Press
1222 Dwight Way
Berkeley CA 94702

$49.95

jmarvinx@yahoo.com
www.blackbirdpressnews.blogspot.com
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